Sometimes there are a lot of mending and reconstruction when a betrayal is involved. Some are especially prominent when small children between both couples are shared. In some instance, however, the family dynamics may totally become broken. Hidden secrets ultimately chips at love and families become broken. Why? A light is shed upon the shadows.
Health and well-being are important to me, thus in some case, separation just simply means, detachment; depart from; letting go and perhaps, deleted, voided or erased. It’s great to love hard, but this writer feels, she loves herself and God enough to forego the loss. Write it off like a business loss. While I grieve the loss, and it is an emotional rollercoaster, I will not wallow in it. Please note, it is a loss for all involved parties. I would rather think in my case, although painful, it means freedom to just be me again. Dare I say it, Readers, to be solo, alone and by myself! Don’t get me wrong, Readers! I love having a husband and partner, a love whom I think God has given me to spend life with. Remember, this is husband number two. However, just saying, I also love me some me! And, repeat/remix —I love me more.
For some people their world may seem to have severed or collapsed, as it may mean, removal of togetherness activities such as no more shopping, dancing, church, hanging with mutual coupled friends, cooking, going to the bank, taking a kid to school, taking a partner to work, picking up groceries, sex, going to the movies and dinner, or anything else that was a normal part of a routine marital life. You must realize it is a struggle in any case. Our partner may have been playing house elsewhere as well. Probably pleasing to both household. Granted it may not have been a mistress situation. Just the mere fact the act was done may be unsettling to some. I know, for me, it was the deal breaker.
There are other folks who are used to doing for themselves who can move on. There remains the fact that such a shocking blow to one’s system demand the attention that the great impact that may have just punched them in the gut, hurts. Ouch! Is this writer saying no more cuddles, or lovemaking, no more showers together. What about the children, the in-laws, the cousins, the southern vacation to Key West, or outings, sitting on the porch at grandma’s, or the visits to New York, Canada and mini honeymoon weekend-getaways? That’s why folk stay together, perhaps, it beats being alone.
Well, what about peace of mind? What about not having to go the doctor to check for gonorrhea, chlamydia or worse, HIV? What about not knowing if she had your child or her lover’s child? Dealing with family hypocrisy 🤨. What about thinking what if your little 21-year old daughter at home was being solicited by a man who is your husband’s age, checking his/her phones, multiple children with a mistress. Don’t let anyone shame you into stroking egos. Each situation is different and belongs the party that is currently muddling through, as I have, in an attempt to get to a place of serenity and peace of mind. Please guy’s, don’t go swabbing all of your children’s cheeks and sending out for DNA 🧬 results. However, the possibilities are endless. In lieu of making yourself sick, you do you. Think about what best suits YOU! After all, you all know blood is thicker than water. You will never come first in their family. Families are sometimes placed in an awful predicament of being related to the cheater. Mums the word and the unsuspecting spouse does not have a clue. They all knew, and never said a word. Get rid off them from your FB page! Readers, it may even come down to blocking some folks off your telephone contacts, especially their family members.
You see, when one loves themselves first, the blame is not a heavy burden. My therapist states, “you are not responsible for a cheater”. They are losers, that is who they are. It has nothing to do with the partner! I’m telling you, you did nothing wrong, but give yourself. Now, TAKE IT BACK!
I, for one, as many of my courageous Readers are: brilliant, self-sufficient, and are among a few folks who are willing to elevate in the middle of the storm brewing around us. We are triumphant in what may probably be calamity to some, who have asked me, “how are you managing to go on”. I think to myself, who are you kidding. I was born alone! I am not attached to any one thing – (Laughter). I am one of the fortunate ones who had no children with my husband. Perhaps that is why my detachment has been made easier, with Jesus by my side. They tell me, “I couldn’t do what you are doing”. No one is expected to do or be me or like anyone else, for that matter. You are expected to be you. I stated from the beginning, this is my experience. It works for me, as an individual. Each day, I feel lighter. My decision was made from the moment, I was told. I was crushed and then the heaviness got lighter. And, I know that I have folks praying for me.
If my writing has lifter one solemn spirit, I have accomplished the task. I promise you, hold on. It will be alright. whatever your decisions may be after experiencing the jaw-dropping news that your spouse or significant other has not only disrespected the vows to God, but disrespected you, as well, you must stand tall and love thyself! You are unbreakable. Folks are telling you things you may not want to hear. The response should be—this is not what I need to hear right now.
Please believe in time, you will become stronger. It is unrealistic to think ok let’s move on and be quick about it. It may take weeks, months, perhaps years as this person was a part of your life. Any small thing can trigger a memory response. And, that is ok. It also ok for you to know that you have been making the other person happy for years, Now it is time to put yourself first.
Positive affirmation: I am grateful to God
BROKENNESS: part of my shocking experience 