Excuses are the weakest link as to why did he/she cheat! One excuse may be lack of communication. Ah, perhaps, the answer would be so why not strike up a conversation with the spouse? Another excuse is: “I didn’t feel loved” one of the weakest excuse, especially if one did not find love in the person they were cheating with, as well; but here are a few other reasons given for cheating that I have heard from friends:
he/she was busy attending to the kids; he/she was working late at night and I felt bored; he/she was always too tired to do activities; he/she goes out with friends too much; he/she cheated just because they could;
he/she did not give enough attention to me; he/she talked to much; he/she did not make me feel special. So, why not just leave?
Listen, like a well-oiled machine, a marriage takes communication, a listening ear, a loving heart and God in its midst in order to function well.
I am here to remove bitterness from our palates. I am here because God said to uplift others. Cleaning and clearing us from inside out will remove the clutter and help our healing process. As a wife/husband/significant other, we did nothing wrong. However, we have to clean, glue, tape and mend our own lives back together and lift up our head, after we have been cheated on. Let’s go!
PSA: The struggle, Readers, is real. In a marriage, we get a helpmate because the Word says two are better than one in a union. What else may come into this union? Children, jobs, mortgage/rent, car note(s), kids tuition, grocery shopping, travel expenses, lawn care, hair cuts, light bill, gas bill, water bill, clothing expenses, credit card payments, college tuition, daily maintenance, etc. life has many obstacles to sort through. Couples are drowning in bills and do not have time for each other, some may make time for date night, keep house, do children’s homework, bathe them and get them ready for bed and do it again in the morning, cook dinner or bring in take out because they are too tired from overtime to help pay the above listed bills. This is not the time to be cheating, the other helpmate needs help. Yes, real life struggles that should be embraced, together as a couple. Do not make what should be a positive bonding period, become a burden. — Readers marriage is a collaboration! Both folks, still try to be the best husband or the best wife and one would think that would be enough. Right? But some folks sneak a little more or slitter like a snake in the grass looking in the dirt. Some have not paid attention, but kids are watching. I have heard pastors say that it is best for children not to grow up in an unstable home where their parents are constantly fighting/bickering. Parents should be a great role model for their kids. It is an awful example when children have to observe cheating parents, worst, have to partake and pick sides. I was fortunate not to have had children with my second husband. For those household who have experienced one or both parents cheating, get counseling, get pastoral help. It will make a smoother transition for the children in their adulthood so that the cycle may be less likely to repeat.
Anyone can blow smoke up someone’s posterior to make them feel like a king. That is the biggest con game going around. It makes anybody feel good. Yes, some folks have midlife crisis and although I am not condoning wild and irresponsible midlife crises behavior, I understand folks wanting a great big high that boost their ego. She/he feels good when someone strokes her/his ego. Folks are probably thinking—I’m gonna kick her ass! Regardless, in my case for instance, I was not married to the woman, she owed me nothing (except the respect that a wife/husband commands). She may not have given me that, but she is out of sight and out of mind because she is not my problem. Readers, try your hardest not to be bothered by the outside person. Deal with the spouse or significant other directly (yeah, my support group).
Readers, the commitment, made to me, in my opinion was from my husband. He took the vows before God and before the pastor and witnesses. No one forced him to cheat. My husband made a conscious choice to cheat. Which husband was coming home to me? The one who promised to love, honor and cherish his wife before God. Or the cheater in avoidance of the truth? I am not sure. Will my real husband, please stand up? Well, I said, that first night, don’t bother. It takes a real person to realize that they have been caught, so it is time to sit down, talk and stop lying to the wife/husband/significant other! The more one lies, the more one has to lie to cover the lie. That makes one a liar! This is a life’s lesson and a PSA: tell the truth folks—secrets will get put out on purpose so that it will explode and not be a secret anymore. Best thing, stop lying to your spouse, mothers-stop covering for your sons, brothers, sisters, family members and avoid further devastation and family deterioration. Stop blaming the wives, husbands and significant other when shit blows up – 9/10 shit blows up and then the blame is not placed on the cheater; the blame is placed on the spouse. Why? Stupidity!
Sometimes I would like to say, which part of I’m done did my husband not understand. First and foremost, I would like a peaceful transition in not just separating, but a divorce. Divorce papers should have been signed in February, as I requested. He should have said, where do I sign, quick! For me there isn’t any —oh, wait a while and her old ass will get over it. Do the right thing! Let me go, so you can move on. I simply do not care! Readers, I made a personal choice. Please understand, however, there is no shame in staying. It may very well work out. I know families who have embraced children brought into marital household and raised by the wife. Most folks stay for their own marital children, for finances, for society’s sake, for the family sake, etc. I’m here to tell you please talk, hug and love on your wife/husbands/significant other so that it will not get to the point of divorce. If your relationship is rocky — Work it out!
Some folks act slow as molasses by turning a blind eye in avoidance, other folks act as a boss because they think if they smother a spouse, he won’t cheat. Neither is a good thing. Again, I cannot emphasize communication. Some folk say, oh, I wish my spouse would cheat on me or I wish wife/husband would do that to me. — No you don’t. Readers, not all of us fit the same shoe size! What may work for one person, may not work for another. To each his own (NO JUDGEMENT)! As I have been saying throughout my group or blog postings, leaving a cheater or staying in the relationship with a known cheater, is a personal choice This must not be the week’s gossip channel episode.
My advice, Readers, is not to let a relationship deteriorate. Love wins! Question: Writer, what if I loved on my spouse, did all the spousal duties and they still cheated? Well Readers, you know how when you only miss the toilet paper when you run out of it?—Well, you just have to let them use their hands in the mess!
James 1:12 New International Version (NIV)
12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
z88.3
Holy Bible
BROKENNESS: part of my shocking experience 