A Time for Everything

This is what I get to listen to nowadays. Gurl, you are telling folks too much of your business. Yep, uhh, yeah, I am. This business is anyone’s business worldwide. It’s taboo. Cheating is the secret no one talks about, even though cheating happens everyday. One has either already experienced it personally, is in the middle of experiencing it, will experience it in the near future and/or knows someone who has been cheated on. I am not the first person who this has happened to, and I most certainly will not be the last. However, all I can tell any one who will listen is that one can recover from it because one now realize that they are not alone!

Readers, each of you should be inspired to lift yourself up! Folks will whisper, gossip and make things up. It’s up to you to hold your head up. Forget about those that stared in your face, laughed. You are above them. You were the last one to find out that your spouse/significant other cheated. So what! Know that you did nothing wrong. You made a grown ass decision, without anyone’s permission, to stay or leave. Life goes on. Walk with your head held high. Their lives will go on as they celebrate and party. Guess what? So will yours!

Questions that folks are asking me are: “Are you bitter or angry and vindictive”? Absolutely No, No, No! “Are you punishing him”? Absolutely not! I am on speaking terms with him. So why talk about it”? Because it is a mission. I do not know how to label it. This group or my blog is not about him, it is about my experience and helping others get over their hurdle of being cheated on. I know my husband is not the only one, but he was attached to me, so I can only talk about my situation and experience. “You understand that no one cares, right”? This may be gossip to some, but this is helping folks cope better to know and understand another’s perspective and know they are not alone. “You know you can make money out of this, right”? Yes, but that is not my mission. “Again, you understand that no one cares, right”? Again, it is not my place to analyze who cares or not. It is my place to help another person who is experiencing a hardship during their spouse/significant other cheating, cope better and live their lives, whether or not they remain in the relationship. This is a painful process. Some have literally lost their mind because of shock, fear, denial and/or societal quick judgment. Readers, we are so quick to judge and so quick to tell a person what to do, how to manage their lives and forget that it’s their personal choice. We are not here to judge.

Readers, there is a time for everything—a time to stay, or a time to go. Even if a person cheats once or 50 times, if one stays in the relationship, it’s a personal choice. Respect for another person’s choice or preferences in life, is human kindness. Most of us profess to love God, we say we know right from wrong, and we know good from evil. We attend church and continue to lie to pastors, smiling fake pretentious grins 😢 Lets be real Folks. Even God gives us all free will to make personal choices.

We are all different and know our limits in accepting crap. There are so many triggers to upset our homes —money, children, stepchildren, mortgage, bills, car note, more bills, jobs, sex, family, gigalo/harlots, friends, ex/wives, swingers and so much more. Yep I said it, you do not know what is happening behind closed doors. Some folks just don’t know what’s out there; however, so many of us do not want to hear or know about it, either. Our culture says, look the other way and don’t let anybody know your husband cheated. This may not be a popular post and may not sit well with some folks. However, I am here to inform us and drop some knowledge. Whatever, I have not mentioned, please inform us. Sometimes I feel like I have been in the dark myself.
Readers, unfortunately, it has been made very easy for husbands and wives to cheat. Yes Readers, married women cheat, as well. They creep, just like men do! Receiving a simple call or text of sweet nothing in the ear to elevate and stroke a deprived ego; Running into an old boyfriend or girlfriend and meeting for lunch/dinner 🍷 🥘 ; playful phone sex, leading to personal touch; allowing someone to listen on the phone during a marital tiff; A call from an old friend while in the middle of, or after a fight with a spouse can all spark an episode of cheating, as well. This will usually lead to a small lie of hanging out with the girls/guys. Then it will elevate to bigger lies that will grow into a tidal wave 🌊 Why place oneself in that predicament?
Readers, there are many culprits such as the internet, reality shows, dating sites, time, sex addiction, porno, bars, nude clubs, drugs, hook-ups, desperate and lonely side piece, workhusband/wife, escort services (oh, I forgot, mistress in Haiti, Brazil, Jamaica, Trinidad, Dominican Republic, Barbados, France, England, etc. and Pickneys((children)), which may have helped lead folks to the cheating and infidelity obstacle courses, as well. While all these options are readily available —it is still a choice in the path that one has chosen to cheat. No one forced anyone.
Listen, marriages do not break up because of sex. Yes, there are some folks that are sex addicts and there are some folks that are colder than the refridgerator because they are frigid. Marriages may not even break up in some cases of infidelity. Well, what do you think, Readers, one should just leave, right? Not necessarily! Different strokes for different folks. Folks may choose to stay because it mutually benefits both parties. Ego? Dignity? One can’t tell the bill collector, hold up, let me get the money out of my dignity wallet, huh? 😂 There is no dealing with bruised ego to think of at this time! We are thinking about the children, the finances, the family, the embarrassment, the old sores and scars that have not healed from a previous relationship.
Well, Readers, let’s face it, most husbands never leave their wives for the side piece. Most wives never leave their husbands, either. A cheater wants both!
At any rate, many spouses usually are not going anywhere either-as most stay after being cheated on. It is said, i’d rather take my chances and stay with loser I know than start all over again. Cheaters bank on it. Will they cheat again? Statistics says 95% yes, they will. And I’ll leave it right there.
PSA: Readers, if one decides to stay, ya gotta let it go! no regurgitation of the affair every day! No torture of remember when… Bring out the essential oils and embrace each other. Dont be stupid though! Mind the store, but don’t make yourself sick either with checking speedometer, time and cellphones 📱 📞 —guess what, there are burner phones out there. If you are staying, stay wholeheartedly!
Those that are in limbo and wondering what to do next after your mate cheated—pray and ask God for discernment and direction.
Those that are divorced—pray and thank God for leading you out of the mess of the relationship and allowing one to start anew. Start a garden, buy a property, start a hobby, start a new career, travel, date, remarry, if that is one’s preferrence.

My husband used to say, when he coughs and hacks, I do not jump and take care of him immediately. However, he still states, even if he is sick, he sees me, he feels better. I understand he loves me. And, Readers, I hear every single day, it’s culturally acceptable for a man to cheat. It is not culturally acceptable for a woman, though. I just know that God sits high and looks low.

You see Readers, It’s complicated! By the time folks talk about things I wrote about, the translation may lose its essence and they would whisper wrong tidbits about how I went to Mars and back. Everything has a time and a season. Not everyone remains in our lives forever. Those that are still married, reinforce your love and commitment to each other.

Readers, my husband would have never told me the truth about his infidelity and subsequent accusation. Who do you think put it out there to the public, if only two people were screwing around in the dark? Readers, yep, the side piece. She got mad because he said, you know I’m married and I’m not leaving my wife. So, she put him on blast. Since he went there, oh well. Then the rumors got fanned out like wildfire, by more folks knowing—in the church, friends, family. Shhh! Did you hear… Everyone knew, but me—it took 2 years—it was a matter of time—everything has it’s time.

Listen, I don’t know if I made the right decision when I chose to dissolve my relationship. I do know that I made a decision that was right for me at the time. My personal feelings, I don’t have to get beat up before I get straightened up.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Positive affirmation: I am a child of God!

Z88.3