You’ve Got a Friend

Double negative is oxymoronic, but I’ll say this anyway, Readers. Do not, not be there for a friend when they are at their lowest point. Not cool. Not cool at all!

Readers, when a sentinel event (catastrophe, loss, death) happens at a job, one is given time to decompress from the shock and recuperate, and offered support and therapies so they might get back some semblance of before.

In the middle of one’s personal catastrophic event, however, how does it feel when a friend abandons you during your storm? Do you have anyone else around to throw you a lifeline? Do your friends stick by you or do they discard you, like a used paper towel? I hope you have a ride or die friend to lean on!

Readers, when one needs a friend/supporter, the excuses, sometimes, purposeful, are as follows: “I wasn’t there because: “I wanted things to die down, first”; “I did not know what to say”; “I could not face you because I knew your husband/wife was cheating for a while; “I disapproved of your decision to stay/leave”…
PSA: Ya failed to cushion your friend’s blow! Ya did not hold the safety net for your friend! — The truth is like a light, when it comes on, friends should not scatter, like roaches. Readers, did you know that during the storm, your friends needs shelter and a covering warm embrace? This is not the time to turn your back on them! Hypocrisy does not fit in the equation of friendship, either. Please don’t abandon them! Guess what I say Readers, and correct me if I’m wrong or tell us what other excuses may arise—yes, I’m going to say it, “this is not a real friend”! They never liked you. Could telling you have caused a riff in the friendship, yes, but once things died down, it would have been worth it.

Readers, did you know that these may be the same friends who will gossip with folks about your event and publicize it with everyone but you? How do you identify a fake friend? They are not loyal. Soon as you need them, they are never around. They only take, take and take and have nothing to give. They are the ones who gossip and even make fun about how you thought you had that man. Are friends calling to genuinely see how you are doing or calling to get the latest scoop? One may interject under the guise that it was not my place to get involved. But is it your place to watch your friend sink? It’s a slippery slope. I could not, not tell my friend, something, if I knew. I just could not.

Well, in my case, I heard some folks wondered how would they tell me? Conjuring up excuses, time and again. They wondered about it affecting my mental health and well-being! While months and years went by and they continued to wonder and gossip and laugh, —welllll, here comes the unsuspected thorn from God—the ex, who blurts it out with such enthusiasm and excitement—”your husband has a two-year old“! (Folks, stop saying she was out of order-although not purposefully, she turned on the lights for me to see clearly). After hearing this from her and confirmed it with another reliable source, I’m sure that my blood pressure skyrocketed immediately. Nevertheless, don’t worry fake friends, along with my lying 🤥 husband, note that you could have contributed to a heart attack or a stroke for knowing and not telling me to soften the blow, instead. As this may be disappointing to some folks, since the shock did not kill me, some folk’s conscience is clear.
Listen, the lesson here is, and what everyone failed to realize, the secret was bound to come out, and made known to me, eventually. God’s light will always shine over the darkness. Readers, I’m in the spotlight because my family and true frIends pulled out a double safety net over a trampoline to catch me. Dear God I am thankful for your mercy 🙏🏽

Well Readers, in life when one experiences a loss, in our case, separation/breakup/divorce, we need to decompress from the shock of our sentinel event. A friend’s ear should be readily available to listen to a rant 24/7 because your buddy’s life may be spiraling. This is where our family/friends come in, to support us. Right? However, many do not receive the support.
Ever wonder who your true friends are? If one endures Juda’s kiss from both a spouse/significant other through infidelity and lies, and subsequently endures another Juda’s kiss from so-called friend(s), it is called double abandonment! Yep, you too, let your friend down.
I am sending my friends reinforcement and telling you all: God’s got you and won’t let you go from His embrace. He is our safety net. Praise God and continue dancing the dance of betrayal! You will never be alone. I promise, the music will stop and you will get off that emotional cheater rollercoaster.
I know we all have hectic schedules and work around the clock. Take a second out of your busy schedule to reach out to someone who is going through. Bluetooth, hand-free dialing—no excuses. You are in the car for the next 30 minutes to an hour. Drop a call or a quick text, pen a old fashioned note, find an old friendship pic and write on the back and mail it to them. Take care of your friend and pick them up, while they are down.
For me, it has been almost 3 months, next week and I was fortunate to receive support from my children, siblings and extended family members, who enveloped and embraced me, as soon as they learned what happened. I was further favored when my NYC friends from high school, who are my ride or die, although long distance, were a comfort to me, as well, if not in person, but in spirit, due to long distances. Old and new friends offered shoulders, and/or simply listened, without saying a word. My posse co-workers were so uplifting during the course, when my tears and snot were runny. The calls, and sometimes a text from each significant friend, were uplifting.
Readers, I’ve always wrote about not letting depression enter in one’s spirit. I say hang in there; no time to wallow in self pity or wait for folks to perhaps fit you in their busy schedule. Readers, I never called off from work, I kept busy and started helping others, as I always did. I never asked why me, nor did I skip a beat from my norm. I sought therapy, took time to go on vacation and was sick once in the almost three-month period since my sentinel event.
Like me, if you have no time to cook, be that friend that will go to Publix supermarket and get some soup and spoon feed your friend, during her storm!

Positive affirmation – I will be there for a friend

Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

AND

1 Peter 4:10 Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.

Z88.3