Can I utilize this post to vent? Readers, I gave it my best and folks want to still blame me. Why? They have nothing better to do except gossip. I couldn’t care less.
I thought I was a good wife. I am a princess! I felt, yes there was some incompatibilities in education, age, finances, but he made me feel special. We had so much in common. We were both divorced. We both had two kids. He made so many great promises and was a good provider, a hard worker and a good dad. He said he loved me, would be there to take care of me in my old age, and never to make mention of the age difference again. Nine years together of which 7 years, married. We did everything together. I was always ready, and never said no. Even on a bad day, I never saw cheating in our equation. However, the great presence faded, date night faded, quick getaways stopped, surprises stopped, even intimacy faded towards the end, as we were exhausted. I attributed the lack of time to the working at a regular job and having a side business. Reader, not entirely sure what went wrong. However, admittedly, it stems from both party, I guess.
Communication fell to the wayside. Listen, I kept house, cooked, cleaned, we attended church, had good jobs, we paid our bills, had luxury car and truck and a business van, my hair, nails, outfits were on point. Neverheless, we started going out less, he still gave me flowers, but I could not put my fingers on it. I felt I could do bad by myself. I started to threatned to kick him out if he did not start making time for us. He promised to make it up to me and things would get good again and he would say, bills don’t pay themselves. So more time working and less time again. Smart, gullible me. I was dooped because I did not see something hot and was boiling over!
Why did he not just leave! I’m older than he is by over a decade. I have from the begining repeatedly told my husband that if he ever met a younger person, he can simply tell me and I would understand and would not cling. He had an easy out, right Readers? Why did he not go? My therapist said, why would he? He had the best of both worlds. A loving home with the wife and a place he can ocassionally go to get rid of his frustration in the side piece
So, Readers, I still have not heard the whole story from my husband, nor do I care to listen anymore, as that ship has sailed. However, sometimes my mind wonders every now and then and I try to calculate the timeline that I so blindly missed.
I have a forgiving and compassionate heart, but my husband lies and lies again. To keep lying day after day for years (omission or not saying anything is a lie too), and carrying the burden and burying a secret that would eventually come out, was a heavy load to carry alone. Having his conscience beat him day after day for almost three years (in part the pregnancy term), is why I have forgive him early on. The thought day in and day out during the course of running away from the shock of secret pleasures may have resulted in pregnancy, in hindsight now I know what gave him the high blood pressure he is medicated for. Further, the possibility of having a sick child in the middle of surgery in 2017, who may have been spiraling towards deterioration in ICU, simultaneously while another women, who is not your wife, who may have been in the process of almost giving birth, must of been devasting burden for him. Wondering if God would take one and give life to another– Wow! Through all of this, he said nothing! I pray for God’s mercy for him.
I was blind because I saw no sadness in his face. but I noticed fatigue and gray hairs from long hours of work. He was withdrawn. But he decided to go bald. Readers, I was too busy bitching and upset about not getting quality time anymore because of work and the business, I never thought of him having time to lurk or creep, resulting in such a low point in his life. Yes, I worked nights at the time, sometime three days in a row. No lightning flash hit him one day for him to say, we gotta talk!
On the other end, there was the side piece who was disapointed that her pregnancy was not well received by the married man, with whom she was creeping with. I guess she did not deduce if two folks doing the dirty every now then, would one day just abruptly cease due to unexpected pregnancy. She was probably angry he abandoned her, so she started to spread her news of him being the baby daddy. Most women who knew a man was their baby daddy would be at child support immediately after giving birth! Am I right, Readers. DNA test? Not this side piece. Was their doubt on her part? Clearly night and day and the side piece, banked on it. Can we say paternity test! Still waiting after two years. Dare I say it, Readers, I hope it is his! My husband’s best buddy approached him two years ago, after having heard of the rumor and my husband flat out denied it! Like the commercial, side piece told a few folks! Then one told another person who told 2 friends, who told 2 friends and they never told me. My husband must have been in denial too to think this rumors being spread would not eventually reach me. They knew and looked me in the face and said nothing! A friend of mine suggested some of these women side pieces either have husbands in Haiti or they need greencards or some of them work waitress or housekeeping jobs at Disney and simply looking for someone to help them financially. They purposely look for weak stupid men like that and blow their ego up. They don’t care if they are married. Oh well, there are a lot of trash out there, and my husband can help clean up!
Lack of communication with my husband may have even lead to more lies because of disagreements. Found out my husband’s always offering to help someone, whether it is lending folks money or getting their car insurance, or co-signing for someone – that is why his credit is so messed up. Kindness can open up free-for-all. The side piece thought she had found a sugar daddy for herself and a baby daddy too. Well Readers, she can have him. The divorce papers have been ready since the next day when I asked a friend to print them out for me. Readers, I don’t blame the side piece. I was not attached to her. My husband knew he was married and voluntarily opened infidelity’s door. At this point, it will not change all these years trial period that he endured in silence. I feel sorry for him. Again, I have forgiven him.
Readers, my husband took me for granted and thought I would always be there. Wrong! I saw no reason for a side piece, not even one hit with a condom. My husband had everything at home, in me. You see, Readers, my husband made the decision for me to break up with him, when he never felt comfortable enough to tell me almost 3 years ago since the pregnancy! He should have manned up! He should have faced whatever the consequences would be and tell me, the second she told him she was pregnant.
I knew my marriage was over the minute I doubly confirmed my husband’s infidelity and a child was produced. I could never deal with the connection of him relative to the side piece due to a kid, a forever link. Not again. I met him with two small kids from a previous relationship, who was attached to a manipulative mother! Now for me to go through that again, this time with a side piece. No amount of begging would change my mind. The betrayal was Judas-like, on the real! Readers, say it with me, N O!
I wish him well. I just can’t be his wife. Please sign and release me so your life can be productive. I know If the child is his, he will provide care. He is a great dad! May God bless him.
PSA: Don’t keep heavy burdens to yourself, it will eventually blow up!
Positive Affirmation. everything happens for reason. It means God will give me my man, a much better and faithful man, my soulmate who is waiting for me somewhere!!!
Matthew 6:14-15 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly. Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their. trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
BROKENNESS: part of my shocking experience 