Oh no, 9 years gone!

It was just after Christmas, but before New Year 2020.  I got a call from my husband’s ex-wife, through a third party.  “I’ve been looking for you since Thanksgiving”  I immediately thought, Wow, that’s strange. Although she is blocked from my phone, her children have my number.  However, I pretended to humor me to see what could she possibly have to tell me.  I asked the person to do three-way call, and the ex-wife stated in a long drawn out statement as follows:  I know we do not see eye to eye, but you are a woman and I am a woman, and I would want to know if it were me.  Oh boy, I thought, she has promised to break us up and I gotta hear this good or bad.  I said, what is it?  She blurted out, “he has a two-year old child.”  She went on to say some other stuff at this point sounded like white noise.  I remember telling her thank you.

I confirmed this with another relative, who blurted out, that he had recently learned of this child, his new niece, a day after Christmas and stated if they did not tell me, he was going to because he felt I was great to the family, and did not deserve this.

Readers, please note the child does not belong to the ex-wife!

I think I Face-time my bestie/ ride or die high-school buddy, and she asked what is all the ruckus going on in the background.  I stated, he is not home, but I am in the middle of kicking out my cheating husband, who fathered a child during the course of our marriage.  My husband has a 2 or 3 year-old daughter, and it took 9 months to produce, which means the affair happened at least 4 years ago if not longer. 

The feeling of anger, betrayal, stupidity, humiliation, embarrassment is indeed part of my experience and throwing all of his belonging into the garage helped me closer towards facing my ordeal.  My husband is a liar!

To say surprised, shock is an understatement.  Yes, the ex-wife meant it for evil, but indeed it was the greatest gift!  Readers, you are thinking, is she crazy!  No I’m saying there were changes, distance, space, that up to this.   Our travel, date nights, time together, him always working, arguments about working too much, less vacations, left a gap. We loved hard, passionate even though I am over a decade his senior. Now I am able to put my finger on that widening gap. 

When my husband came home and opened the garage door, all of his belongings, suits, pants, dress shirts, gym clothes, shoes, sneakers, sports coat, belts, underwear, etc. had felled on the garage door.  I did not want to look at his face.  He has been lying for at least 3-4 years. My husband lied and as I see it, he would have never told me.  He said, “I am sorry, I did not know how to tell you”.

After he left with his belongings, I went to bed and felt broken and shattered. I rebuked him and did not want him to speak to me. I now in the darkness of the night had a million questions. Things would not ever be the same between us. I have forgiven him already, as I laid there in the bed. Remember, forgiveness was not for him, it is for me. I stayed in the quietness of the wee hours of the morning as a cell phone which fell and cracked within its case. Broken but strong in its case! I just suffered a loss. I am grieving. Hang in there, I told myself.

I’ts been about a little over a week and I am better. Through prayer, song, church, family friends, my faith has kept me. Find your strong tower. My strong self, the support of family and friends, are my sounding board. However, I know I have to speak with a therapist.

I have heard more stories in the past week than I could ever imagine.  A lot of hurt folks dealing with affairs, cheating, outside children.   Do I blame the child’s mother, the ex-wife?  No, I do not.  The minute I found out that my husband invited and entertained an affair with the culmination of a penis and vagina meeting, it was over.  I have heard folks tell me so what, girl.  Take him back!  I wouldn’t lose a good man like that.  You have been so happy over the last seven years.  Girl, you are not the first and you won’t be the last.  I am not responsible for anyone else, but me. My experience, my choice.

I would love to hear about your experience, if you would like to write about it. If not, feel free to comment on my post.

This is a free-non-judgment zone. I will attempt to post at my leisure and express myself, as I see fit. This is my experience, it does not suggest or impose on anyone else’s experience, nor should it suggest one should do what I did. Everyone’s experience is different, may be handled differently, it is a personal choice and should not be judged on their experience. Feel free to express or comment respectfully. More to come. You are invited. Keep it PG.

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