HOW YOU DOING?

How you doing?  How are you holding up?  What are you going to do?  Are you taking him back? You’re not the first, what husband announces he fathered a child out of wedlock?  Take him back! — Started sounding like a blur.  My world just blew up, courtesy of the ex-wife. It was shocking! However, I knew immediately it was a gift.  I needed to know AND my husband would have NEVER told me.

It was as if the news of my husband cheating on me and a production of a child, spread like wild fire. And I threw fuel to the fire and fanned it!  I called a lot of folk.  I contemplated should I tell my children or will I spoil their New Year by given them bad news? 

Once it was out, it became juicy breaking news, everyone had an opinion I did not ask for.  The consensus was to go back to your husband, they all cheat, so what!  I feel like everyone’s just pulled up a chair and their microwaved popcorn, looking for drama.  The problem is, I think, I may have disappointed many of them. I put my husband out of the house and I have decided I will not take him back!  I did not want to meet his daughter, who is attached of course to a mother, I did not want to sniff his underwear, wonder how come he is late, check the speedometer, check his phone, follow him in the bushes. I knew one thing, I had to let it go, by letting him go.  I kicked him out, immediately!  I forgive him.  He had a midlife crisis and felt good that a 30 something showed interest.  Flattering, I’m sure.  However, he couldn’t show restraint!  It cost him his marriage.

Approximately 16 years ago, I dated a cop who cheated on me with my sister’s best friend, and I let him go. About 12 years ago, I dated a dude during school, who wound up cheating on me with another student. And now, my husband of 7 years whom I dated for two years prior to marrying him because he had baby momma drama and I did not want to be a part of it. I’m a romantic! Three (3) strikes, and I do not feel I’m out. It was like grieving a major loss but I also have to look within. This is going to hit me sooner or later because I brushed the first two-times aside and kept it moving, as if nothing ever happened.

It is one’s personal choice to stay! financial, what will folk think, I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want to start over. I support everyone’s personal choice. I am non-judgement and so is God! Know that God is there for you whatever you decide.

So, how am I doing?  Well, I thought I was hanging in there.  By day 5, I felt I was at 50% on the road to recovery.  I can say this from experience.  My current road tares and divides and/or forks into pebbles, dirt, sinking sand, wet mud with holes, and it is not paved yet.  However, I have some tough boots on and a 4-wheel drive called Jesus and the Holy Ghost with me.  God has given wisdom of non-judgment and forgiveness in my heart as I am embarrassed in their arms. God makes no mistake

My girlfriend told me to relax.  It could be worst.  You may have found out in your sixties, after him and his mother introducing this child to you as a child that she babysits; and you would have grown fond of her.  When you found out she belongs to him, you could have had a heart attack and died instantly!  I felt better for two days, it felt I was up to 85% over it when she told me that scenario! And then I fell through one of the cracks on the forked road and had a panic attack.  It dawned on me this was my third straight relationship that I was cheated on.  I cried!  I mean balled like a baby. I felt better. I also realize this was nine years. He calls everyday or text sweet nothings. I use to adore that, now it doesn’t matter.  

I started weight training at LAFitness last week to tone up myself for the Cruise in a few.  I went to Zumba yesterday again at the gym.  I was telling a friend I ran into what happened and she told me she had moved here from NY after her husband cheated on her.  She said during her ordeal she had stopped eating and lost so much weight.  She said, currently, this is now 20 years later, she and his current wife are now best friends.  Guess what?  Strength comes with time.  It will take time to heal. Forgiveness is for you, not the cheater.

Readers, I realized, as my cousin the nurse advised me, we take care of everyone but ourselves. “You have to see a therapist”, she said. It’s your third go around with a cheater. I know it is unrealistic to think this will go away on its own. The telephone counselor isn’t enough. So, I will really seek the help of a therapist and make an appointment next week. Meanwhile keep busy, I have my journaling and my blogging as my solace, along with prayer, song and praising my God. I have to work on me!

Positive affirmation: I am encouraged by great family and friends.

*Z88.3

800 hotline – any local call center or ask 311 in your city

*TheBible

You’re not weak for leaving – or for starting over.  It takes immense courage to walk away and make a new path – alex elle